Not One Minute
by Star24
Summary: Episode based fic. New chapter added - Meow spoilers.
1.

I found and lost my sister in the space of three days

Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't profit from them, just like to play with them,

Warning: Max/Logan shippiness

A/N: One of my episode based fics, following Max and Logan's thoughts after the events of "Hit A Sista Back" 

I found and lost my sister in the space of three days. My big sister Tinga. The one I saw so briefly that night several months ago when Zack and I helped her get away from capture by Manticore. Now she is back there. Back there because she opened herself up and made herself vulnerable. At least that is how Zack looks at it.

She has a real family, a husband and a child, Charlie and Case, Lydecker found them and used them to bring her back. Zack looks at me and tells me not to make the same "mistake" as he calls it. I know he's talking about Logan. Thing is it's too late. Even though Logan and I aren't a family in the way Tinga and Charlie are, Logan is my weakness. If Lydecker ever grabbed Logan, I'd do anything to get him out. Zack knows that; it's one of the reasons he hates Logan. 

I have a different take on things though. I think Tinga didn't go far enough in her relationship with Charlie. She never told him what she was and what the dangers were.She left him vulnerable. I understand what she did, she loves him so much and was so afraid to lose him that she never told him. Turns out he would've handled it because he loves her just as much. She never gave him the chance to prove that to her until it was too late for them. If he had only known he wouldn't have put that ad out there and Lydecker might not have found them and used them to get to Tinga. Maybe. 

Tinga had the opposite problem with Charlie that I have with Logan. She met him, she fell in love with him and she had no problem expressing that. She just couldn't be honest with him about who and what she is. Logan knows who I am and what I am; sometimes I think he knows me better than I do myself. What Logan doesn't know is how I feel about him. Unlike Tinga I'm afraid to open up and let him know. I guess I'm afraid he doesn't share my feelings. 

Logan has his own baggage. Maybe if he wasn't who he is we'd be further along on the path we seem to be taking. But then we might be in the same position as Charlie and Tinga. I never told anyone else who I was, wouldn't have told Logan if he didn't figure it out. Probably wouldn't have stayed around when he did figure it out if he didn't have his own secrets. Him being Eyes Only made it safe for me to be me.

Thing is, it really hit me hard when Charlie was talking about Tinga tonight. When he said that the biggest mistake he could have made would have been to walk away from her. That despite everything he wouldn't give up one minute, one second, of what they had. He was looking right at Logan and me when he said that. I think he was trying to give us a message. I know that when I turned to look at Logan he was staring up at me. And the look in his eyes…

We have to talk; we have to do something. I don't think it's just me, it **can't** just be me. At least Tinga and Charlie had the time they had. They told each other they loved each other and they shared their love. They have Case. I don't think Logan and I quite have what Charlie and Tinga do. At least not yet. But maybe we could have. I'm afraid to find out. But then I think of Charlie's words and I'm more afraid **not** to find out, to miss out on those minutes he was talking about. 

I'm afraid of Manticore, of Lydecker, of what they did to Brin, of what they'll do to Tinga. I'm afraid I don't have much time left here. But most of all I'm afraid of throwing away what could be the best thing in my life. I have to take a chance; I have to know if Logan could ever love me the way Charlie loves Tinga. Because it is too late for me, I already love Logan. And if he loves me…. 


	2. 

I feel like I'm emotionally drained right now

Disclaimer: Don't own them; don't profit from them, just like to play with them.

I feel like I'm emotionally drained right now. This last month has been an emotional roller coaster for me and every time I start to catch my breath something new happens.Walking, then not walking, contemplating suicide, taking a life, a serial killer X5, the pictures, my family's secrets, financial ruin and now this. 

I never started out to live my life in the middle of a secret governmental war involving genetic engineering, biosynths and some quasi-military lunatic. Eyes Only was originally no more than an extension of the great journalistic tradition of muckraking and expose of corruption and graft. There have been journalists that have done that for over a century, I just had a little more technology. Then I met Max. and things started to snowball.

A rational person would probably have walked away when they found out what she was. Not me. In my arrogance I thought I could use her and not get involved. Peter, my old bodyguard, had my number all right. "Looking for your new girlfriend?" he said. Maybe I was, even then. I have to admit she hit me like a ton of bricks the first time I saw her.

"A person has a right to know what they're getting into when they start a relationship" I told her tonight. She responded that you never know what you're getting into with a relationship. I can't claim ignorance though. I walked into this one with my eyes wide open.

Poor Charlie, he didn't know. He met Tinga and fell in love with her and had a son with her. Suddenly his nice normal life is turned upside down, his wife turns out to be "not the girl next door" and he has soldiers after him with machine guns. I have to give him credit. After the initial shock and his first response which was to walk away, he turned out to be everything Tinga thought he was. Charlie will be okay and so will Case. I hope Tinga will be too but I'm not optimistic. Max told us what Brin was like after her reindoctrination. Point in her favor, Tinga has something Brin didn't have; she has her love for Charlie and her love for Case. If anything can keep her sane that will.

Charlie was an eye opener for me tonight. When we were talking about him and Tinga I was thinking about Max and me. He made the assumption everyone seems to make that Max and I are a couple. I gave him my standard denial but when he asked if it was because of what Max is, I didn't really have an answer for him. I realized at that moment that I don't really have an answer to that for myself. When I told him that he was involved in this thing like or not, I was talking about myself as much as about him. About me and about Max.

Why aren't we together? I have feelings for her, I think she has them for me. True there are obstacles - her past, my wheelchair, but are they real or just excuses? I wasn't kidding that night when I showed her my poem. That was the closest I've come to telling her how I feel and I was shaking when she was reading it. "Completely exposed and vulnerable" I said to her and it was true. I'm afraid to come out and tell her, afraid she won't return my feelings, afraid she will leave and I will lose her for good. So I skate around things, giving her looks and oblique comments but never coming out in so many words.

Charlie knows how we are. I could see it in his eyes when he was talking to us about Tinga tonight. That was a message he was giving us. Time together with the one you love is precious and you never know how long you really have. I felt like he was telling me "Don't waste a minute, not a second, of the time you can have with Max." Max knew what he was saying, I could see it in her eyes when she turned to face me. I saw something more too, something I've been afraid to hope for.

It's time we did something about this relationship of ours. Everyone else can see it; we need to admit to it. I'm afraid of emotional involvement, afraid of rejection but I think I'm finally more afraid of losing Max. I want whatever minutes and seconds we can have. I don't know if she can love me the way Tinga loves Charlie but I know I already love her. If she loves me back… 


	3. Coming Clean

So here I am standing on Logan's rooftop ready to drop in on him

Disclaimer: Don't own them;Don't profit from them, just like to play with them

A/N: Meow Spoilers. Max's pov – admitting her feelings to Logan.

So here I am standing on Logan's rooftop ready to drop in on him. I 'm literally shaking in my shoes. It all seemed so simple a few days ago listening to Charlie. I knew what I had to do and I was going to do it. Logan even gave me the perfect opening with his anniversary dinner invitation. What better time to let him know how I feel about him?

Right. Does anything in my screwed up life ever work out the way it's supposed to?

I'm all ready to see Logan and get the words out to him but, of course, my freak show body has to choose **now** to go into heat. Heat. Like a cat. 

I told Cindy what was happening and asked her to watch my back and keep me from acting like an idiot. I really really didn't want anything to happen this time. It has in the past and it's not been good but now, what with Logan and all, it seemed so important not to give in to it. 

Cindy couldn't understand why I didn't just kick it with Logan and I guess I didn't explain it too well to her. Maybe in the future if we're already together it would be okay. 

But the ways things are now….I don't know, I just didn't want it to be that way with Logan the first time. 

Well I succeeded in that respect. I even managed to sit in that car with him two nights ago and not jump his bones. God, sitting there smelling his aftershave, watching his lips and feeling his warmth just inches away. I don't know how I managed. It was a close call, especially when he leaned over me to look in his glove compartment.

I was going to go to his place last night for dinner, thought I was over the worst, until that stupid game with Cindy. As she pointed out, my word choice kinda showed my state of mind. Maybe I should have gone anyway. So I might have jumped him. So it wouldn't have been exactly the way I pictured it. Would have been better than what did happen.

I hate myself for Rafer. I never hated myself before when I picked up some guy while I was in heat. Just shrugged it off as something Manticore did to me. But since Logan, I don't want that anymore. Cindy says I love Logan. I also feel so guilty over what happened to him. He deserves so much more than me. But, Cindy says he doesn't care, that he goes all "dreamy eyed" when he looks at me. She says I need to deal with the way I feel about him. She's right so here I am.

I open the skylight and drop my rope, sliding down it dressed in my black catsuit. Déjà vu of me breaking in here a year ago to steal the statue of Bast. Logan hears me and wheels himself out to the hallway. He's not happy, I can tell by his voice when he says to me "Got your nights mixed up?" I take a deep breath and retort.

"Since it was about midnight when I broke in here a year ago I figure it's still our anniversary."

He slowly smiles, I'm on the way to being forgiven it seems, "In that case I still have some cheap champagne in the refrigerator."

Too soon we're seated with our champagne. I start to tell him.

"Logan, about last night…"

"Doesn't matter," he says in that offhand way of his but this time I'm not letting him put me off. I know that it does matter to him and it matters to me.

"I owe you an explanation." The next few minutes are me awkwardly explaining about my heat cycles. I have a hard time coming out and saying it but he suddenly catches on.

"Wow " he says. 

"So that 's why I didn't come over last night, because of, well just because."

"It's okay " he says, "You just missed dinner." I can't answer that and look away not wanting to see the look in his eyes when he realizes what else I did last night. I can tell by the sudden silence that he's got it. I want to curl up into a ball and die for hurting him like this but I need to get it out and hope he can forgive me. Still with my back to him I go on.

"I should have stayed home but instead I went out and ran into this guy..." I pound the nails into my own coffin with those words. "I **hate** being like this. I **hate** what Manticore put into me. I feel like I can never get away from it, that no matter what I do or where I go it's always with me." I blurt out trying not to cry again. I did enough of that with Cindy. Then I wait for him to turn away from me in disgust now that he realizes what I truly am. 

Next thing I know he touches me gently and I hear him whisper "It's okay."

Not believing my ears I turn and he's standing (standing!) in front of me. He smiles and lifts his cuff so I see the servomotor.

"A present from our friend Phil. I was going to surprise you last night, a sort of anniversary present."

I want to die again. Despite his smile and gentle words I can see the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." I manage to get out, knowing that sorry doesn't begin to say what I should say to him.

"Max, you don't have to be sorry or ashamed" his eyes are so beautiful looking into mine. (I think I fell in love with his eyes the first time I saw them on one of his videos. Never dreamt I'd actually ever meet Eyes Only much less become his partner). "I know who you are." 

With those last words I begin to hope again. Logan truly does know who and what I am and amazingly doesn't seem to care. I stare into his eyes losing myself but before either of us can go any further, one of the servo motors malfunctions and he falls to the floor.

He lets out a curse and tries to fix it but by then I'm kneeling next to him. 

"I'm sorry," he says.

My turn. I look into his beautiful eyes and tell him.

"Logan, **you** don't have to be sorry or ashamed. It's never been about you walking. Not for me." He returns my look and I see him believing me. He gives me one of his smiles

and I feel myself melting inside.

"Look at us." 

"Hopeless" I respond.

"Pathetic" he throws back, my turn to respond.

"It's a good thing we hooked up" I smile at him. Ball's in his court. I wait for his response, enjoying our little game but he has had enough of it. His eyes lock on mine and

I can feel the heat as he leans forward to me.

"Happy Anniversary" he whispers as he kisses me. His hands come up to frame my face and tangle in my hair and I'm also touching him. His lips are soft and sweet and wonderful. I'm in the middle of a meltdown worse than anything Manticore's heat cycle has ever done to me and I don't care. I love it. This is what I've wanted for so long and judging by his response he's wanted it too. The kiss grows more intense and now I'm drowning; but he gently pulls back. His voice is husky and his eyes are intense as he says to me.

"Maybe we should wait on this until you're yourself again." I love that he doesn't want to take advantage of my mixed up hormones but I quickly set him straight. Looking at him with everything I feel for him showing in my eyes I say softly,

"This isn't Manticore." I see the hope in his eyes and continue "This is me." Now it's my turn and I pull him back to kiss me again. This time I open my lips and his tongue dips in, swirling around my mouth and tangling with my tongue. I have never felt anything like this before. I want to lose myself in him; I want to stay like this with him forever. I want to make love with him for hours on end and when we're done, I want to do it again. My heart is pounding and I feel flushed but this time it's not from Manticore heat. Logan is giving it back to me as good as I'm giving him and I know where this is heading. In fact I can't wait to get there when the voice of my 'darling' brother Zack breaks in.

"Did I come at a bad time?" As if he didn't know. I swear he does it on purpose. I mean if he hadn't called that night a month or so ago Logan and I might have gotten here sooner. Unfortunately I can't ignore Zack tonight. He has news about Tinga and we have to try to get her out. Logan understands and is going to help. He pulls out some com units for us and promises to try to do some surveillance for us. As he hands me the units our hands touch and we cling.

"This can wait, right?" I ask him. I don't want to lose what we just found. I need reassurance that in the light of day we won't go back to our old dance of denial and

avoidance. Logan squeezes my fingers and reassures me "We have all the time in the world." His eyes are giving me the rest, the words neither of us have the courage to say yet, //I love you.//. I nod and hope he can read my answer in my eyes. Reluctantly I pull my hand from his and head off to save my sister.


	4. Forgiving

How did things go so wrong again

Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't profit from them. Just like to play with them.

A/N: Logan's thoughts during Meow.

How did things go so wrong again? Was I that badly mistaken about Max and her feelings for me? I thought I had it all planned. Last night was the anniversary of when we met. I remembered the date (How could I ever forget the day the most beautiful woman I've ever met literally dropped into my apartment and my life?) and she agreed to come over for dinner. Not just one of our usual dinners either. I made a point of reminding her that it was our "anniversary" and she agreed to come. I thought it was special to her too.

I had it all arranged. The perfect dinner, music playing, candlelight, and, at the end, my surprise for her. I got the exoskeleton working and I was going to stand and ask her to dance with me. I imagined her face looking up at me, surprise and happiness in her beautiful brown eyes. I imagined taking her in my arms and dancing with her held close against me. I imagined finishing the dance but continuing to hold her and leaning down and kissing her. I imagined telling her all the things I've wanted to tell her but have been afraid to. Charlie's words gave me the hope and courage to do it and in my heart I knew it was time.

I must have been wrong though. Wrong about her feelings for me. She's been acting strange the last few days. Maybe she sensed what was going on in my head and was trying to avoid confronting it. She's always said we were just friends and I guess she truly meant that. She's afraid of what I might say and how it would affect our friendship. I can understand that. 

I've never seen her so jumpy as she was the other night in the car. It was like she was afraid I was going to make a pass at her or something. God knows I easily could have. Sitting there next to her, smelling that soap she uses, seeing her tangle of curls (the kind a guy just wants to plunge his hands into and play with), and looking at those lips of hers was tough. Reminded me of high school and going "parking" with the girl of the moment. The fogged up windows creating a little cocoon hidden from the rest of the world, the close quarters, the sense of being the only two people in the world…I was on the verge of forgetting our mission objective when I leaned over to look for my phone in the glove compartment and felt her legs beneath my arm. Max must have sensed it because she got out of there like a scalded cat. Good thing she did.

She cancelled the dinner plans. Called and said she couldn't make it. She was probably smart. If she only thinks of me as a friend it would be awkward to come to this romantic dinner and have to turn me down gently. It's better she stopped me before I made a fool of myself. I can live with what we have. I'd rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all. Maybe someday she'll feel differently about me. Until then….

Hearing a noise I wheel out into my hallway and see the rope dangling from the skylight. Looking around I spot her standing there in her black catsuit. I can't figure out what she's up to.

"Got your nights confused?" I throw at her. It comes out harsher than I intend from my effort to hide my hurt and disappointment. Why is she doing this to me? 

"I broke in here around midnight the first time so I figure it's still our anniversary."her voice is hesitant, worried about her reception. I start to feel some faint stirring of hope. 

"In that case I still have some cheap champagne in the refrigerator." I tell her. She nods and soon we are settled in the living room, me in my chair, she on the couch.

"About last night…" she starts. I don't want her to give me some awkward explanation so I cut her off.

"Doesn't matter." There, that should do it, back to our normal relationship. But something is different. Max isn't stopping.

"I owe you an explanation." She then proceeds to go into some tangled explanation of something Manticore did to her. I'm not getting it and she is getting embarrassed until she finally says "Cats. Mating cycles." Suddenly the light dawns. I didn't think I could be surprised by anything about her anymore but I am.

"You mean…Wow." I am literally speechless. Now her behavior of the last few days makes sense to me. "No big deal, you missed dinner." I tell her. There is a sudden silence and she turns away from me. My stomach drops and I feel sick. Her back is to me and she can't face me. Cats, mating cycles…I feel bitterness welling up inside of me. Why would she come here last night? She needed a man, a complete and whole man all macho and testosterone charged, not some cripple in a wheelchair. I am about to descend into my whirlpool of self-hate when I become aware that she is speaking. 

Her voice is low and full of pain as she says "I should have stayed home but I went out and I ran into this guy.." she pauses and I fill in the blanks in my head. But then her voice breaks and she blurts out "I hate this part of me. I hate what Manticore put in me. It makes me feel that no matter what I do or where I go I can never get away from them."

Is she crying? I forget about myself. I can't stand to see Max cry. I rise and walk over to stand behind her. I touch her lightly and tell her.

"It's okay." Inadequate but I'm at a loss for words in the face of her emotions. Max turns and stares at me realizing I'm standing. I lift my cuff to show her the servomotor and smile at her wanting to make her feel better. "A present from our friend, Phil. I was going to surprise you last night. Kind of an anniversary present." 

"I'm sorry," she says sadly, understanding in her eyes. She knows what last night meant to me, I can tell. I don't want to cause her any more sorrow or pain and so I rush to reassure her.

"You have nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of. I know who you are." I gaze into her eyes willing her to understand what I'm saying; to believe what I'm saying.

She starts to smile and I feel myself leaning towards her but there is a sudden grinding and the servo motor malfunctions. Before I can do anything I find myself on the floor. I manage to turn off the damn thing and drag myself to a sitting position. No wonder she didn't come here last night I think. Look at yourself.

"I'm sorry." I say to her. Sorry for I am what I am, sorry I can't be what you need, is what I'm thinking. But then a miracle happens. Max is on the floor next to me. Her eyes are locked on mine and she repeats my words of moments before back to me.

"**You** have nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of. It was never about you walking. At least not for me." I look into her beautiful brown eyes and I believe her. She really doesn't care about my walking, she cares about…me?

"Look at us." I manage, referring to the emotional idiots we both seem to be as well as to our ridiculous position sitting on the floor.

"Pathetic" she agrees smiling back at me.

"Hopeless," tossing the ball her way.

"Good thing we hooked up together." she says daring me to go on. I'm tired of this game though. We've played enough games this past year. Before my courage fails I lean forward and whisper "Happy Anniversary" just before I kiss her. When our lips touch I swear I feel a jolt all the way to my toes. She doesn't pull away so I lift my hands and run them over her face on the way to her hair. God the times I have wanted to run my hands through her hair. It feels like heavy silk and I love the feel of it tangled in my fingers. I am drowning in this kiss. My heart is pounding and a certain part of me is making itself known. Suddenly I remember what she said earlier about cats and mating cycles. I don't want to take advantage of Max's screwed up DNA. Much as I want her, I want it to be mutual not some hormonal insanity on her part. I pull back from the kiss and ask her,

"Maybe we should let this wait until you're yourself again?" I'll die if she says yes but if I don't ask I'll hate myself forever for being no better than that faceless stranger she met up with last night. Max looks at me for a moment, her eyes unreadable. Then they clear and I can't believe what I'm seeing there.

"This isn't Manticore," she pauses. "This is me." There is a world of emotions showing in her eyes as she pulls me back into the kiss. Passion is there and understanding and something more, something I'm afraid to put a name to. I stop thinking about that as I go under again. I am lost in her, lost as I've never been lost in a woman before in my life. I want to make love to her for the rest of my life. I want to bury myself in her and never emerge. I want to protect her and cherish her and keep her safe. Her mouth opens and our tongues meet. I pull her closer as I explore her mouth, learn her taste. As much as I give her she is giving back to me and we are both going under. I realize that at this moment neither one of us is capable of stopping and I don't give a damn. But then it comes. The bucket of cold water thrown over both of us.

"Did I come at a bad time?" The voice of her "brother" Zack. Does the guy have a surveillance setup on her? His timing is incredible. If I could I think I would kill him at this moment. Instead I settle for giving him a look. His eyes meet mine and he knows what I'm saying. I can almost feel the air crackling as we face each other with pure primitive male hostility. 

The mood is shot so Max and I wait to hear why he is here. (Other than spoiling another night between us. I'm counting and Zack is definitely gonna pay one day.) Turns out he has news of Tinga and wants to go tonight to get her out. Max gives him a look and he has the decency to leave us alone. I know what she's going to say and I don't try to dissuade her. I met Charlie and Tinga too and I know what this means to Max.

I can't go along but I can try to make it a little safer for her. I open a drawer and pull out two COM units. I can probably hack into some spy satellite and do surveillance for them; the COMS will keep us in touch. It isn't enough for me but it's the best I can do. I offer her the COMS and our hands touch and for a moment cling.

"This can wait can't it?" Her eyes are anxious, I know she is thinking that we've been this close before only to back off. She's afraid that later I'll change my mind and deny what happened here tonight. Fat chance of that. Not this time. I smile at her reassuringly,

"We have all the time in the world." I want to say more but the time isn't right. She knows. I see it in her eyes and I think she sees it in mine. We'll finish this up, get her sister back and then will be the time to talk. Talk about us; talk about… love. My love for her and hers for me. I release her hand and get to work as she leaves to save her sister.


End file.
